I got chris browned last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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