but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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