I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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