That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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