My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
