Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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