im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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