I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
...so i touched it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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