I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out