Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.