Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.