ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.