Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol