He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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