It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
