We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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