You smell like a Billy Joel song
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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