Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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