why didn't you poke me back
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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