the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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