The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
