As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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