I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
