I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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