dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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