oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
