bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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