Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
