I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
