Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
