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mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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