sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
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Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????