I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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