Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.