I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup