Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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