she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son