yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.