I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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