I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
