Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize