Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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