so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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