There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
