If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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