I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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