Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
