i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
