in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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