I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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