HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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