yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
