it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
