Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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