I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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