We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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