she woke up with a sticky ear
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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