Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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