Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize