Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
