Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
