So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
