Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
