Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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