My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
