If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
