yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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