we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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