don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
