Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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