DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
