all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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